Hostile, NYC, Proud

The deranged cyclist

My bike is my beast. I hit the streets with that trusty steed and blow through intersections like the laws don’t apply to me.

I forgot to take my meds. I’m shaky and I’m loud. I’m not unproud. I see myself making a scene; removed from it as if in a dream.

They all wish I would remain unseen. They think I’m unclean. Obscene.

I don’t prove them wrong. I shout from my cycle, yell thoughts that sound profound in my head, but come out profane. Am I insane? Maybe. Am I to blame? Who’s to say?

But who likes to slough through each day as if in a swamp; drugged and dopey; kept from feeling the few small things that still make me feel human?

Those pills are inhumane. Even if without them I’m insane. I’d rather not drain my brain of the last bits that make me want to remain.

So try to refrain. Just look the other way while I display my pain.

Just look the other way.


The Manhattan man in the sparkly dress

Manhatten SparklyIt’s alright, you can stare.

But not because I asked for it. That’s what people say: that by wearing a blue, sparkly dress, I’m asking for the heat of a thousand eye balls and half as many gaping mouths.

I’m not asking for it. I simply felt like wearing a blue, sparkly dress today. The way you chose your top hat or those designer shades.

I didn’t ask for it any more than a girl in a short skirt asks for whistles and a concern for her safety.

I just hadn’t worn this dress in awhile and it was time to, is all.

Alright, so I otherwise look like a lumberjack with the long beard and the broad shoulders. And perhaps it – to some – makes my dress stand out in starker contrast.

And maybe I don’t mind the looks so much anymore. Over time it becomes easier to ignore a stare or return it, dead on, as long as I can go without blinking because two can play that game.

There was once a time when I shrunk under scrutiny; scurried from the spotlight as fast as I could go.

But not any longer.

So no, I’m not “asking for it” by wearing this dress.

It’s just that it goes so well with my sparkly blue heels. Don’t you think?